my biggest secret is that I am in still in love with my ex wife. I love her dearly. Only problem is that she is not, nor has she ever been the woman that I fell in love with. I thought she was someone that she wasn't. When she began to act like she really was, I could not live with her any more. I had to leave. I couldn't go back now if I tried. But then, there is no point in going back. She was never the person I thought she was. I have been so betrayed that my heart will not heal and I still suffer every day. I haven't even tried to be in another relationship for over 12 years now. How do I get over loving someone that only existed in my mind? It would be so easy to attain a female partner. It would only take an hour or two. Women are easy to attract. But it would not solve anything. The pain would still be there and then I would have to deal with this new person wanting my attention. I just can't do that again. I will die in a few years. I know that. And I will die alone still loving this shell of a woman that I filled with love and good intentions. Only when I looked inside I found evil, pain, betrayal, blackness, spitefullness, coldness and death. What did I do to deserve this? All I wanted was a companion that I could trust and that I could grow old with. Someone to fill my days and nights. Now in a house with my 2 sons, my mother, sister, brother-in-law, 2 neices and a few animals I remain utterly alone. I need to go smoke another joint now. That usually makes me forget for a while.

Comments

Anonymous

by Anonymous on Aug 23, 2003 at 6:19 AM

Welcome to my world.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Aug 23, 2003 at 8:04 PM

You gotta pull yourself up by your boot straps and get back in the race man!!!! A good start would be to get off the dope and get into some counseling!! There is life after a bad relationship!! Get with the program boy!! The clock is running!! The bus is leaving and all that!!! If you can't keep up you might consider taking notes!!! Pip Pip ol' chap,keep a stiff upper lip, we shan't be here long you know!!!

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Sep 22, 2003 at 5:22 PM

tough...I've been there too. But....stop feeling sorry for yourself, put down the joint and get back into the game of life. Eventually you'll find somebody else who'll ease your pain. Good luck to you.

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