When I was growing up, my mom and I were the only females in the house. I was the oldest of 4. Even my youngest brother had more input toward what the family did than my mother, so basically I was dead last. I never even owned a pair of pants or shorts until fairly recently, just skirts. I was spanked until I was 18 and left home, but my mother is still spanked. The boys all "outgrew" it when they hit puberty.

And we were spanked for masturbating too. Another thing the boys were apparently allowed to do after a certain age but which mom and I weren't no matter how old. I still can't masturbate without feeling ashamed of it, but in some cases that actually makes it better..??

The thing that really sucks is, since I was spanked for so long, now I have a hard time altering my own behaviour without having someone spank me because that's the sort of arrangement I'm used to. So, even though I didn't like it growing up I always end up asking my boyfriend to do it when I'm trying to fix something, like getting myself to exercise more or stop chewing my pencils, things like that. He certainly doesn't mind.

So now, since I grew up in like this weird Stepford environment that I know was messed up, I also now have some kind of a fetish for it. I have a feeling that if I get married I'm going to end up doing exaggeratedly housewife-ish things every so often like cooking and cleaning naked as part of a sexual thing.

I have a hard time believing these things are normal.