I have known girls who live out patterns of rape and prostitution their whole lives. I know of a few girls who have to have their fix of fucking complete strangers in hotels or motel rooms and never seeing them again. now I was falling into this trap. of having just hours of sex that ment nothing and being raped and walking away. I had met up with another guy I was considering doing the same with just fucking and walking away. unable to keep the relationship going once the fix of that first night in a hotel was over treated like a prostitute for his wacko desires.

I spoke to a girl who told me she must get her fix of it and is not interested in relationships. I told her to be careful as one time it might be the wrong guy she gets with who could cause her real harm. I tried to convince her to give up that lifestyle but she would not listen to me. she said it was her fix for sex and she didn't want anything more.

I knew the feeling that I could myself go down that very path, but I resisted.

I was raped in a hotel room while a virgin by a stranger and just went home and cried for months later knowing I made a bad decision out of fear and anger afterwards at what a stupid thing I had done.

I understand why some girls would keep repeating the patterns. I nearly did and I could I guess because I have too much trouble bonding in a stable relationship and being normal.

once the sex is done its goodbye and move on to the next one ... no feelings at all.

then I opened my heart to a few in hope of the wedding bliss and normal life and each time it was so painful and unable to realize. now I have found someone I am so mushy over I am heart broken and I am living in a fantasy world praying he will come to me and save me from my life, or I could regress back into a sexual trailing motel rape victim beast. and keep moving on to the next and the next and next client. I think "if you don't fuck your way to the top you will fuck your way into hell" .

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