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— Anything Goes
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I still love my ex girlfriend. We had an abortion last year. Distrust on her end and resentment on mine was the result. Looking back, we did the abortion because it's what we both thought the other wanted, but I genuinely didn't want it, and I don't think she did either. We broke up 6 months later after a very loud and hurtful argument. I called her the most horrible names, said the most horrible things and then broke some of our possessions. She had done the same many times; things that she said and did still hurt, but that does not give me the right to do the same-I'm just saying that we both acted differently. We both were hurting and in turn hurt each other. She started seeing someone new not even 2 weeks after we broke up--the police were called on the night of the fight and I was taken away. I still feel she started dating the other person because she needed a way to permanently erase me, to justify not trying to work things out. To put 100% of everything that went wrong on me and me alone. Her new boyfriend never had a job, she's behind on bills, and he's in jail for 90 days because of immaturity. She still tries to justify that relationship, and honestly, I'm not resentful for it-I understand why she does it-it's a safety mechanism-she needs to pretend that she isn't doing anything wrong because she can't accept the fact that sometimes when bad things happen to her, it's her own doing. She was hurt by me and needed a way to keep blaming. She needs something to tell her that she was right in listening to all those people who did not have her best intentions in their heart and ignoring everything good I did, everything bad we went through, and everything amazing we are capable of. She tries to tell people I'm a monster, or stalker, and I'm not either. I haven't tried to contact her, haven't kept up with her online, and avoid driving by her (and my former) home at all costs; but she will continue to feel this way because it justifies why she's not with me, it justifies why she's with an immature rebound who's left her lonely and in pain. It justifies everything bad that will happen to her without ever making her an active participant. Yes, she lies about me, yes, it hurts me that she rebounded so quickly with someone so stupid, yes, it hurts that she kept my belongings forever, yes, it hurts that I lost my good job from the depression and cannot find a new one because I did something she's done numerous times when we were together, yes, I know that holding on makes everything-absolutely everything worse-but I still cannot stop loving her. I still cannot get her off my mind-not because of obsession or rejection, but because deep down, I know I'm right. I know what's real. I know what's fake. I know people's real intentions and their real capabilities. I know that so many people will try to brand or label or lie about, but I know that I was the best person to ever grace her life, and yes-I screwed up MAJORLY, but I KNOW that I am 100% Capable of once again being the best thing that ever happened to her. Anyway-I can't talk to her or anything, so I'm just annonamously confession that I will forever love her, and that tonight, like everynight for the past 6 months, I will be eternally lonely and heartbroken, tonight and all throughout today, I will miss her completely and I will be holding on to the silly, stupid and naive idea that maybe this day will be different; maybe this day, all will be redeemed and reconciled. Maybe this day, we will embrace each other, embrace love, embrace life, and maybe this day, we will Embrace.
#180
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Comments (5)
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12/9/2009 at 2:34 PM
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That's Juicy! (0)
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That's Lame. (0)
— Anything Goes —I still love my ex girlfriend. We had an abortion last year. Distrust on her end and resentment on mine was the result. Looking back, we did the abortion because it's what we both thought the other wanted, but I genuinely didn't want it, and I don't think she did either. We broke up 6 months later after a very loud and hurtful argument. I called her the most horrible names, said the most horrible things and then broke some of our possessions. She had done the same many times; things that she said and did still hurt, but that does not give me the right to do the same-I'm just saying that we both acted differently. We both were hurting and in turn hurt each other. She started seeing someone new not even 2 weeks after we broke up--the police were called on the night of the fight and I was taken away. I still feel she started dating the other person because she needed a way to permanently erase me, to justify not trying to work things out. To put 100% of everything that went wrong on me and me alone. Her new boyfriend never had a job, she's behind on bills, and he's in jail for 90 days because of immaturity. She still tries to justify that relationship, and honestly, I'm not resentful for it-I understand why she does it-it's a safety mechanism-she needs to pretend that she isn't doing anything wrong because she can't accept the fact that sometimes when bad things happen to her, it's her own doing. She was hurt by me and needed a way to keep blaming. She needs something to tell her that she was right in listening to all those people who did not have her best intentions in their heart and ignoring everything good I did, everything bad we went through, and everything amazing we are capable of. She tries to tell people I'm a monster, or stalker, and I'm not either. I haven't tried to contact her, haven't kept up with her online, and avoid driving by her (and my former) home at all costs; but she will continue to feel this way because it justifies why she's not with me, it justifies why she's with an immature rebound who's left her lonely and in pain. It justifies everything bad that will happen to her without ever making her an active participant. Yes, she lies about me, yes, it hurts me that she rebounded so quickly with someone so stupid, yes, it hurts that she kept my belongings forever, yes, it hurts that I lost my good job from the depression and cannot find a new one because I did something she's done numerous times when we were together, yes, I know that holding on makes everything-absolutely everything worse-but I still cannot stop loving her. I still cannot get her off my mind-not because of obsession or rejection, but because deep down, I know I'm right. I know what's real. I know what's fake. I know people's real intentions and their real capabilities. I know that so many people will try to brand or label or lie about, but I know that I was the best person to ever grace her life, and yes-I screwed up MAJORLY, but I KNOW that I am 100% Capable of once again being the best thing that ever happened to her. Anyway-I can't talk to her or anything, so I'm just annonamously confession that I will forever love her, and that tonight, like everynight for the past 6 months, I will be eternally lonely and heartbroken, tonight and all throughout today, I will miss her completely and I will be holding on to the silly, stupid and naive idea that maybe this day will be different; maybe this day, all will be redeemed and reconciled. Maybe this day, we will embrace each other, embrace love, embrace life, and maybe this day, we will Embrace. #180 — Comments (5) — 12/9/2009 at 2:34 PM — That's Juicy! (0) — That's Lame. (0)