I Need To Get This Off My Chest.
I am in my late twenties and live in a flat above my moms. I am housebound as I suffer from agoraphobia (Panic attacks when leaving the house. I have been this way for 11 years.) I suffer from lots of anxiety disorders (Which is probably what this confession is about, I don't know?) including O.C.D and general anxiety disorder to name but a few.
I imagine it was caused, actually I know it was, by my upbringing, which I don't want to go into detail about now, but it wasn't pleasant at all.
My mother and I only reconciled 'properly' (We get on great but it's all surface stuff. We never talk about what happened when I was growing up.) a few years ago when I moved back to the same city. I had just gotten out of an abusive 14 year relationship.
Anyway, my mothers partner is a complete ass, mind you, that's always been her type. Because of my illnesses I am highly dependent on her. That's why I stayed so long in the abusive relationship, it was utter shit daily but I knew what to expect and if it came down to the wire, 8 times out of 10 my partner would eventually help in some way.
Back to her partner, I'm not just saying it, he is a complete phsyco. A neighbour asked me once if me and my mum were ok because he's that bad, and people can't help but notice.
During the first few months she met him I found it beyond creepy. It was like she was trying to force a reenactment of the me, her, and stepdad relationship I had as a child. I could see what she was doing and was having professional help at the time and explained it to them. This time though I wasn't a child and confronted my mum about the behavior.
He is a super control freak and is very volatile. Finally last month I snapped and actually spoke back to him about his behavior. Being the calm responsible adult (52 years old) he is obviously he exploded and we had a massive row. He was so aggressive I still couldn't get my point across to him, I still had to sit back and listen because I was scared he was going to hit me. He might be older but he's 6'3" and of a muscular build.
It stressed me out so much I kept having really bad panic attacks. He wouldn't let it drop and would be a nasty bastard to me when my mum couldn't hear and fain innocence when she could. It upset me for a long time.
Anyway, like I said I live above their flat, it's a house converted into three flats, two upstairs. We have the same landlord. My neighbour was a noisy drug taking ignorant shit that thankfully left last month. I don't think he's told the landlord.
That's the background to my confession, the real thing is coming up. I think I will post this first as it's a little long and I don't want to keep typing to be told it's too long to post!
Cont....