I finally have the guts to finish this story. It's one of many incidents I've dealt with, situations I've struggled with, positions I've put myself in through the years, and I am thankful I can open up and nobody knows who I am. I hide it well, and ensure that I don't let the secret out to people that know me. I know the labels, the name-calling, the harassment, and everything else that would be involved. And I don't want to live through that. But finally. I can start opening up. I have tried therapy. The judgmental behavior is there. Regardless if they are supposed to be "professional" or not. It's just not possible, because they are human first. And humans have a difficult time getting past things they don't see as "right"

Five years ago, when my wife, daughter and I were on vacation, we'd taken my daughter's friend Julie with us. We'd stayed in a nice house, seen the sights, had a great time, eaten some amazing food, and really enjoyed ourselves. Spent time in the hot tub at the house, gone into the mountains, driven through the hills, ridden rental bicycles up and down the trails, and even went to a water park. I had quite an amazing time staring at Julie's teenage body, well mature beyond her age, large breasts (34-36D at least) bulging in her bikini top, staring at her bikini bottom, and wondering in my dirty mind, what she'd look like naked. After the first evening, I had an opportunity to find out more about the person she really was. Very sexual in nature, very curious, very flirtatious, and very forward. It went well beyond any experience I ever had with someone her age, to the point where, after my wife and daughter were sleeping, she masturbated me to orgasm under the blanket in the living room. Helped me clean up, smiled when I said it felt amazing and I'd never let someone do that to me, especially her age, and she went to bed. Didn't bring it up the next morning, no further discussion. Until the second night, when the sexual escapade occurred again, when my wife and daughter were sleeping, no more than 50-60 feet down the hall, behind the closed door in the hall, and behind the bedroom doors. I again reached orgasm, panting and gasping, much to my shock and utter amazement, at the receiving end of a hand job from a teenage girl the same age as my daughter. The only significant difference that night, was that she gave me the pleasure of seeing her slightly pudgy overweight body naked. Staring into a fiery red bush of pubic hair, staring at her slightly overweight stomach, and large breasts with huge round nipples, bringing me to a massive erection, and shaking my body with an orgasm like I'd never felt.

I simply figured it was a one-off encounter for a couple of nights, an experiment, her trying things with an "older guy" out of curiosity, or whatever, and that would be the end of it. The third night, nothing happened, so it confirmed it. The fourth night, however, my wife and daughter, after we'd spent the whole day in town, seeing sights, having dinner, traveling around, had back to the house, and had announced they were going to head back into town, after the lights were all up, the city was lit up, and wanted to go do some late night shopping. Julie said she was tired, and thought she'd lie in bed, watch a movie, and probably fall asleep. We knew we had two more days, so it was all good. I was stretched out on the couch in the living room, and my wife laughed and said "guess you're not getting up either. Enjoy the couch. Be back in a few hours" and they got around and took their stuff to head out. I was laying on the couch, watching a movie, and they'd been gone about a half hour. I called her cell, and she said they were up in town (about a 30 minute drive), and that they were shopping. She sent me a screen shot of some stuff I'd asked about, so I knew she was there. She said they were going to be out a bit, and she'd understand if I crashed on the couch. I told her I thought Julie was already sleeping, so she said that was good. We'd make up for it tomorrow.

A couple minutes after they left, Julie came into the room. I'd told her how long they'd be gone, and that they were shopping, sending me screen shots of what was going on, and the stuff they were looking at. She was nervous, and didn't say much. So I asked her if she was OK. Then it hit me. She was freaked out by what we'd done. So I brought that up. She laughed and said Oh God no. I'm not freaked out. I'm just afraid you didn't like it. I just laughed and said well, we've agreed that nobody will know, because you know I'd get in a lot of trouble. But what's to not like? You did things nobody has. Made me feel like nothing I've done before. So why would I complain? She said good. And I said why. She looked at me, and said well, because I want to be with you. I said you already were. She didn't say a word. Just simply reached down and took off her t-shirt. I stared at her large breasts. Her erect nipples. And then it hit me. My face turned red. My body trembled. But my penis got hugely erect. I was sitting on the couch under a blanket. And she said I want to. Not stop like we have the last couple of days. We have time. If they are gone. Nobody will know. My mind was screaming. I kept telling myself no. She stood in front of me, and undressed out of her shorts and underwear. And as I'd seen, two days prior, her fiery red pubic hair busy, covering her tender teenage vagina. Her large breasts, well beyond for a girl her age, heavyset body, and my sexual hormones going crazy. I said Julie, as much as I desperately want to, you know the risks. You know what would or could happen. And she said I won't tell. It's not like you're going to. And I don't know why. But I saw my cell phone sitting on the table. My penis was so hard and erect. I was trembling. But called my wife. She answered, and said she'd send me another screen shot. When I saw it, I knew they were in town, minimum of an hour away. I said I'd talk to her when she got home. Put my phone down.

And I commenced to stand up, walk up to Julie, and kiss her. Intensely, hard, and very sexual on the mouth. And that's where it began. She was naked, I took my shorts and underwear off shortly after, standing there with my penis erect, against her pubic hair busy, between her legs, and kissing her. I was cupping her large breasts, touching her nipples, and I heard her gasp. I pushed her gently on the floor, had her on her back, spread her pudgy legs, and I started kissing her body. I started with her mouth, her neck, her nipples, her breasts, her pudgy stomach, and then her pubic bush. And shortly after, I performed oral sex on her for quite some time. Took her teenage body to orgasm. I stopped shortly after, and she said "I'm on birth control. I have condoms if you want, but I'm on birth control. It's safe. Believe me". I asked her why she had condoms, and she shrugged and said well, you don't know what you might end up doing. I kind of laughed, and she looked at me. I was staring at her naked body, slightly overweight, and saw how erect my penis was. It had never been this big. Julie laid on her back, sitting up, and said well, it's your choice. But yes. I want to be with you.

I entered her. It was the most sexually stimulating feeling I had ever encountered. She was tight to the point where my penis barely fit deep in her. I had to enter her slowly, and penetrate. I knew she wasn't a virgin. I could tell. But as I entered her, watching my penis go through her pubic bush, I felt myself growing harder and harder. My body shook and trembled. And I finally filled her. I laid there, slowly moving. Julie gasped and said it felt truly amazing. She said I felt really nice inside. I just shook, and said yes.

I was deathly scared. I'd never done this. Not ever. I'd never been with a girl her age. Nor had I ever thought about it. Until now. I pulled back slightly, and watched my penis enter her again. I heard her gasp, watched her face, and pushed again. Slowly inside her. Laid on top of her. And we kissed. I heard her say "I don't know how long we have" and I said I agreed. I started touching between her legs with my fingers, rubbing her, while I entered her, and pulled back, and then entered her. A couple of minutes later, I felt her wetting up again, and I heard her say she was going to have an orgasm. As her body shook and I felt her orgasm, I kept touching her clit, and rubbing her vagina. It was amazing. She felt so soft and so innocent. And then I felt it. I instantly felt it building inside me, knowing that I couldn't control myself. I was afraid of what might happen, but I desperately wanted to orgasm.

I pulled out, she watched my face, and she said to me you're going to do it aren't you? I'd like to have you do it inside me, if you would? Would you? That would be really nice. I entered Julie again, and I came. I came so hard that my body shook. The room spun. I started shaking. I felt it squirting out of me. Exploding in large squirts. I kept pulsing, entering her deeply, and gasping, trembling and panting. And I finished. I was empty. Nothing left inside me. I remembers saying "Oh my God" and just laid slightly on her. She looked at me and said Wow. That was amazing. I've never felt something like that.

When I moved, my penis was soft. I was soaked. From me. From her. She leaned down to clean up. Took a shirt, and started wiping it. I said what do you mean you've never felt like that before? She said she'd never let a guy do it inside her. Even being on birth control. She'd never trusted someone to do their thing, and let it go inside her. Looked at me, and said until now. It hit me. That she had planned that.

We took care of everything, and she went into her room after putting some perfume on, and cleaning up. I went into take a shower, and I climbed into bed. Thankfully, nothing came out of it, nobody said a word, and to what I understood, nobody suspected a thing. The following night, when my wife and daughter were sleeping, it was our last night, Julie and I were in the living room, sitting on the couch talking. I don't know what made me say it, but I was so desperately horny, that I asked her if she would ever experience that again. She smiled and said yes. She'd like to do that again.

Upon our return home, we'd taken care of everything. It continued to go through my mind, regarding everything that had happened, and all I could think about was fear. The minute she went home, someone would suspect. Someone would know. Questions would come out. She'd say something to the wrong person. And nothing. Weeks later, she'd come over a couple times to hang out, and nothing. A month later, still nothing. And then. Two months or so later, Julie came to the house to spend the night with my daughter. After my wife had gone to work, when my daughter fell asleep in her room, snoring in bed, Julie and I had sex in my living room. I came intensely, and harder than I had with my wife ever. And through the next couple of years, off and on, including at times, when she told me she's had a boyfriend, and even though to this day, I am still married, we have had sex. It's hard to admit, knowing it makes me a dirty nasty old man in someone's eyes. But sexually, she makes me feel in ways physically that nobody has. I think through the years, we've probably had sex 50 or 60 times, if not more. I have never used protection. I have never used a condom. I have always had an orgasm inside her. And on several occasions, we've met at other places, including hotels, and have had sexual relations there too.

Now I've spoken about one of the incidents that's been inside me for a lot of years. Do I feel bad? At times. But the issue I deal with, sexually, younger girls do things for me that girls/women my own age don't.

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