I feel so disgusting!! I have ended up in having a lust for my 10 year old daughter. I would have killed a man if he touched a child and now I fight the evil I am becoming. I know she wants me to do things to her because about 3 months ago she masturbated me while I was asleep and I woke up when I was about to cum, saw her doing it to me and became shocked but then within 5 seconds I shot my sperm and it went over her hand. It was that split second that as a man you know you are going to cum and I try to tell myself that it was not her doing this to me as I let myself go, but it was and it was long enough to send her that message that I loved her doing that to me. She tried a number of times again but I stopped her and I did not yell at her. I did not know how to handle this problem and I did not want my wife to find out about it so I would say something like not tonight darling but the truth is I had two voices inside my head and felt disgusting I did like her doing that to me.
She was 9 at the time and I broke my left ankle and tore my ligaments in my right knee so I was bed ridden for some time. My wife would let my wife wash me but I could have done most of it and it was easier to just stay in bed naked and pull the sheet over me as it was hot. Not much of a story but my wife worked as a nurse and did shift work so my daughter would help me and run errands around the house and probably thought she was the woman of the house when mom was not home. I would lay in bed and watch TV with my daughter snuggled beside me and no I never tried anything apart from telling her I love her and I am proud of her. What any father would say to their child. I obviously fell asleep during the movie and I suspect she would experiment. At times I took pain killers that would knock me out as I really damaged that knee so I am guessing she might have been doing this for some time to end up being so bold to do what she did.
She is a child and she doesn’t fully understand what she is doing but I am the adult and I know better but I have these disgusting thoughts that are getting stronger. It sickens me that I masturbate thinking about her and my cum on her hand but when I cum I straight away say NO!
There is more and I feel everyday like the worst parent in the world. I was able to eventually get around with a cane and had to use my daughters computer where I discovered she was downloading porn. She had been looking at it for at least 12 months and it looked as if she had watched a lot of porn. She did not delete it from history so I did and did not tell my wife and I masturbated over the thought.
The problem now is she knows that I caught her watching porn and that I have not told mom about anything that has happened and that when she tries to masturbate me I just say not tonight darling that she must believe I want it and its just our special secret. She would touch me in a soft seductive way and kiss my neck when she goes to bed and when she gets the chance she does sexy little things just so I can see her. I feel really bad and need to try and stop it but I am also weak and think that if she became more forceful I might cave in and start something.
I already feel like a Pedo and I want to tell my wife so I can stop this but when she gets the whole story I think she will think that I had something to do with what happened and I might get into a lot of trouble. it’s the nuances that this confession does not cover in its tone that I have not communicated properly which I believe will be what gets me into a lot of trouble. I feel hopeless to do anything and want her to stop.