My best friend, Lisa , got married in October 2011. I was the maid of honor.
I would never do anything to hurt Lisa, we are like sisters more than friends.
But the night before her wedding, and just before her wedding, I did something that I will
always regret.
I am a big believer in fate, and if I had left 2 minutes earlier, or had we gone to a different
bar, none of this would have happened.
I had gone out with some friends (Lisa included) and I had quite a few drinks in me. I was the
last one to leave the bar, and as I was literally walking out, Lisa's fiancé walked in. He was
hoping to catch her still there so they could have 1 last drink together before they were not
allowed to see each other the next day. I told Paul that everyone had gone, and he asked me to
stay for one. Which I did. Which led to two, and before I knew it we had closed the bar.
At the time, I lived walking distance from that bar, and Paul offered to walk me home and he would
take a cab from there.
Somehow I think we both knew that once we got to my place, I was going to invite him in. And then he
kissed me, and I kissed back.
I blame the sex we had that night on the alcohol - but the following morning, Paul and I made love
over and over.
We both agreed that it was something we had to get out of our systems, and boy did we ever.
That Saturday morning was by far the most sex I have ever had, and the longest I had a guy penetrating
me. Paul was like a machine.
I don't know why, but I wanted Paul to say things about how he liked my body more than Lisa's, how
sex was better with me, how he will think about me every time he and Lisa have sex from that day on.
I feel so bad now for wanting to hear such hurtful things then.
We had just finished a round of sex, and Lisa called me. I about died when I saw it was her number
on my phone. But, I had to answer in case she was coming over or something.
I had about a 5 minute talk with Lisa about wedding stuff, as her future husband quietly kissed my
lips and sucked on my breasts.
Paul and I took a romantic shower together, and even though we did not have much time, we had sex once
more literally 2 hours before the wedding.
My pussy was so sore as I stood at the altar with Lisa, and as exciting as the thought could have
been knowing it was the groom that made me that sore, I felt ashamed.
And I still do.
I was very late with me period the following month, and all I could think about was how my
best friend's husband may have gotten ME pregnant on their wedding day.
Luckily it was a false alarm, and Lisa and Paul have been happily married for 5 years now.
They have a beautiful 3 year old boy and another on the way - I am so very happy for her.
I just don't know what to do about this 5 years of guilt.
Part of me would love to confess everything to Lisa, but that would just ruin things for everyone.
Paul and I have never talked about what we did, and he has never made any advances on me
since. I think we both want to pretend it never happened.
But it did.
I am living with a great guy now, but I almost feel like I deserve to be cheated on.
Lisa and I were in a silly mood the other day, and somehow we got into a conversation about
sex. She was bragging about Paul's "size"...and I just wanted to scream out "ok he is big, but
not THAT big!"
My boyfriend and I talk about Lisa - I think of all my friends he has the hots for her more
than anyone else. And honestly, I would love for them to have each other sometime.
This is bad, but the other day Lisa was coming over, and I purposely ran to the store just before
she got there to give her and my boyfriend some time alone.
Maybe I should just tell her that she has my permission to try to seduce my boyfriend.
I owe her that.