Constant negativity, forcing advice on you that you don't need, bitching about how you don't respect them enough if you ever criticize them, behaving like little brats who don't get their way if you decide not to do what they want, constantly reminding you of what they have done for you and how you owe them whatever, Always having to point out at the worst possible time your past mistakes, as if they are currently pertinent, etc. etc. etc.
My confession is that I don't love them in the way that most people mean when they say they love their parents. I honor my obligations to them, and I try very hard to do for them the kinds of things that make them feel loved (within reason) but I don't consider them friends, or even worthy of my affection. I still kiss my mom and hug my step-dad (he adopted me legally when I was 13, and they both use that as a club to beat me with whenever he feels disrespected), but I don't share my life with them unless I absolutely have to, and only when I have come to a place where any bullshit they put on it won't phase me. I have had to learn how not to get pissed at them for being douchebags, because they will never change and I am stuck with them.
In all honesty, I feel like I will be able to love them better when they finally die. Sometimes I secretly wish it would happen sooner rather than later. My son will be born in less than 3 weeks, and I am terrified of the bullshit they are going to put on him. This only makes me want to see them go to their eternal rest sooner, so that he will remember them fondly as grandparents who died when he was still young, rather than vicious destroyers of all things optimistic.
Having said all of this, I know I will be sad when they go, and that I will miss them terribly, but I am also happy to know that I'll never have to listen to my mother and father complain about everything, or pick out the tiniest negative point and harp on it for the duration of my visit with them.
I reside in this dichotomy. I want to have a better relationship with them, but my every attempt at meeting them halfway has resulted in me being manipulated/controlled or them crying and trying to manipulate me with how much I've hurt them. It feels good to be able to put words to these thoughts.