We've been together on and off for over 3 years now. He's an ugly fucker.. greasy, skin littered with pimples and ance scars, fat jowls, thinning hair. He smokes too many cigarettes and too much marijuana. But he's tall and exceptionally strong with a terrifyingly impressive libido.
I hate having sex with him. I hate it so much. Whenever I see him his 6 inch dick is hard. He literally pins me down, strips my clothes off, and fucks me brutally. I don't get the privilege of being aroused. He just fucks me. And it lasts for 30 minutes to an hour. Sometimes I bleed afterwards and my lower stomach gets cramps. I hate him putting me on top and expecting me to fuck him with enthusiasm, like I wanted to fuck at all. His dick is only 6 inches but it still fucking hurts when it goes deep. When it's dark and he can't see my face I'll just cry. Because I don't want to have Sex. Don't want the pain.
Last September and October I left him for a few weeks. He texted me and called me crying saying that he would change. That we would intertwine our lives and that he'd die without me. I tried to say no, to get him out of my life. He was storing some of his stuff at my parents house in their garage. I told him to come get it... He came by with a van from his work. He asked me to come sit with him and we could talk some things out.. He started the van and drove down the road a little bit. I said I didn't want to go anywhere. To take me back. But he didn't listen. He groped my breasts first and kissed me on the lips. I didn't kiss back. He begging me to fuck him because it had been so long. I said no, take me back please, I want to go home. Again, he didn't listen and instead forced me into the back. I cried of course. He knelt me over the bench seat and with one hand he undid his pants while holding my one arm behind my back. Then he slid my pants down and fucked me. He kept saying I love you. Don't leave me. And all I could do was cry.
I guess that was r**e. I don't actually know.. Because each time he fucks me I orgasm.. I can't tell if it's r**e or sex. Seriously. Anyways.. I wasn't on birth control. I planned on staying single until my head could be sorted out. He came inside of me and I got pregnant. I knew that I was pregnant probably two weeks after maybe three. He said let's keep it.. I said no.. He listened to me then.. Because it would benefit him not having a kid. I knew so early on but I stayed pregnant until I was 13 weeks along. I prayed and hoped that I would naturally miscarry so I wouldn't have the shame of an abortion. But God never smiles upon sinners. So I killed our child through abortion. He dropped me off and picked me up from the appointment. At least he has some decency I guess. I wanted that baby badly. I think it was a girl.
At this point you may say "Just fucking leave him, you stupid bitch". And my response to that is... shouldn't i be obligated to give him sex Whenever? Isn't that the female role? To be submissive...
I'd love to be in love and to have Sex with someone that I truly cared for each and every day. I masturbate daily so I know I still get aroused but.. I just hate having sex with my boyfriend.
Anyways. The book I mentioned earlier doesn't get into unwanted sex too much. But I can see how abusive my boyfriend is in not listening to what I want or need. He doesn't care about me bleeding, as long as he's cum then life is great. For any women out there confused about your relationship like me... read this book... it can open your eyes