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  • — Anything Goes —
    Straight Female / 26

    I have always been the person that would always do it on a dare, the girl looking for the endless party, and not taking a care in the world until my college graduation celebration: I drank way too much, the last I remember from the party was doing tequilla that's and doing some coke. After that I just have fleeting glimpses of the night.

    When I woke I had seamen drying in my hair, caked on my face, and dripping from my holes. Cum was heavy on my breath and taste. 3 days later my best friend talked me into getting testex--no std's. I read the report and sat weaping from relief.

    By the next day I was starting getting back to normal, I put out a few resumes and as they say: "the other shoe dropped".

    I was late.

    I got the other test, and it was positive.

    New out of college, pregnant and trying to make it on my own. Realty hit me. It hit me hard; .y life was going to change. I quit drinking, flushed all my drugs, and started eating right and taking prenatal vitamins. For the first time in years,I was sober and drug free for more than two days in a row.

    I woke cramping and bleeding. It was a miscarriage, 10 weeks late and lost the baby. The mass came out in the bed. I could only lay beside it sobbing.

    The guilt and sadness that wracks my soul now is that I don't know if my tears were for what was lost or relief. I am not a bad person, but who is received at the loss of an innocent life. I know I cannot go back to what I was, but I don't know who or what I am any more.

    #40456 — Comments (5) — Jun 11, 2018 at 4:16 PM — That's Juicy! (5) Remove This.
  • 1
    I assume your post is true, a lot on here arent.

    Assuming it is...

    I dont know what you believe as to any divine creation, but I read a story by a famous author who had lost his daughter. They had done everything they could for her and she passed. His reaction was to wonder why God takes good people early in their lives.

    He found his answer in a bible verse that basically said sometimes God takes the good early in their lives to keep them from the troubles He can see down the road and we cant.

    This child would have been born with the stigma of how they were created, the troubles you are currently facing trying to get your life together, etc. It might have been a tough road.

    Consider youve been given a cosmic "do over" and turn your life around while you are young. It sounds like you are already making better choices... Good luck.
  • 2
    Well said good advice above.
    I could only add to seek counseling & better friends. You sound sincere in wanting to make your life better & your off to a good attitude start. Love yourself & make better choices in your young life. Good luck & God bless.
  • 3
    You're a girl whom despite being r**ed, remained immensely strong and courageous in order to make the changes in your life that were needed. I'm so sorry for all you've endured, but give yourself that g*ft of sobriety and clearness. Be kind to yourself. Surround yourself with like minded people that are as resilient and courageous as you are.
  • 4
    All good advice above. I see good things for you, ahead. Hang in there, keep being strong. Life will unfold as it should. There will be laughter after your tears are gone.
  • 5
    None of us are here by accident and we all have the responsibilities that are intrinsic to life here.

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