I grew up as the only child to a widowed woman. My parents married later in life and my father passed away when I was seven. My mother, who was fifteen years younger than my father raised me alone. She was 43 when I was born. My mother had her share of issues, mostly financial, but also with the fact that she had me and she did not want me. I was a surprise, or a mistake. I got shelter, food, clothing, but not much love on her part.

Around ten I started to love myself. I had discovered touching myself and I touched myself, often. I was pretty much focused on my clitoris, which was quite sensitive and gave me great pleasure to touch. I was around twelve when I started to fuck myself with various things around the house. I was pretty inventive, and I was able to get quite large things in my vagina. I had learned to squat over them and slowly get them up there. Not long afterwards I learned how to fuck myself in my ass. I used thin things in my ass, like magic markers, and big things in my vagina, like the handle of a baseball bat. The bigger the better, both holes at once, and I would rub my clit sore.

I didn't make any friends in school, and was pretty much on my own after school. I dressed weird for the school, I liked odd dresses and tops, and I didn't start wearing a bra until my teacher told my mother that I had to. I hated the bra, and I took it off as soon as I got home. I liked my nipples, they were sensitive and if I pinched them with clothesline pins, it felt good, like having an electric current running through you, all the way down to my clit.

Oh, around sixteen I got into the visual thing, examining my vagina and asshole with a mirror. I really didn't get it, why guys liked pussy. It looked so ugly to me, all matted with hair and dark and slippery. I really did not understand why guys talked so much about pussy. Why? I had a dog, his name was Max. He was around twelve years old and I got his penis out and examined it, kissed it or rather sucked on it. But after a while that got old, Max did not cooperate and he never mounted me even though I crawled around on all fours offering myself to him.

I went to a small college near home, close enough to drive back and forth. I didn't meet anyone to make friends with, and I liked being alone and playing with myself. I masturbated almost every day, several times a day. I was inventive and used whatever I could to fuck myself. I just wanted something up my vagina, rubbing against me inside.

The first memory of thinking about a man fucking me was when I was twenty. Quite old for that, but it came about because I saw this man urinating against a wall. I stopped and watched him until he was done. He saw me and flashed his penis at me. I just looked at him and he stood there masturbating himself in front of me until he came. He worked for the maintenance department of the city, and he learned that I liked to watch him, and he would masturbate for me. He let me get close and hold his penis. I didn't think at the time that I was giving him a hand job, I just wanted to hold his penis. It was gnarly thing, thick and hard in my hand, his foreskin pulled back, his head got dark red until he came, and his stuff got on my pants, or dress or shoes. He wanted me to suck him, but I didn't.

I left college and went to work for the County Sheriff's office. My mother died and I sold the house and decided that I would move away, get out of that town and go to the city. I got a job for a good sized company, I used the money from the my mother's house to buy a condo on the second floor, overlooking the pool. It was a nice one bedroom condo, big, but not enormous. I was pushed onto my bed from behind and this man r**ed me. He had a hard time keeping his penis in, and I told him to let me turn on to my back and he got between my legs and was able to get it done. I did suck him. I sucked him and I didn't want to quit. I didn't get dressed either, I stayed like he had stripped me and I laid back on the bed and let him have another time. He said I was crazy, but when I offered to heat up some lasagna for him he didn't refuse.

He had free access to my condo. He came over to eat, sometimes to have sex, and sometimes I got home and he was watching television. I loved sucking his penis. I kept food in the fridge to feed him, food I didn't necessarily eat, but a man eats, like pasta and meat. I bought him clothes and shoes. At first he was hesitant to go outside with me, but he would meet me at the mall, try on the clothes and then I would go and pick the same thing he had tried on and buy it. All the time that he was coming over I didn't masturbate, not once. We had sex a lot and as I said I liked sucking his penis, I sucked him a lot. One day he told me he was going to move on, go back to Arizona. I gave his some money and he called me a couple of times but then we each went our separate ways.

He was my one man friend. Regular friend, instead of masturbating friend. After he left I went back to masturbating. I am in my late thirties now. I read about gigolos, or male escorts in some trash magazine. I hire one from time to time, just to get me over the hump. I ask them to wear a mask, I don't want to see their face, only their penis. If I like it I suck it, if I don't I pull them on me and then send them along. My life is not one of those that people want to follow. I don't have friends, acquaintances maybe, but not friends. I still have my mirror from when I was in junior high, but now I have purchased more sophisticated items, both for front and back insertion. Some are pretty crazy looking but they do the job.

Comments

Anonymous

by Anonymous on Jun 29, 2018 at 4:22 PM

Prepare a Mailfence Mail or Protonmail account for privacy and get in touch with me.I am willing to be your friend.There is no need to be alone,abused and then live and die alone.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Jul 1, 2018 at 4:14 PM

I had a girl friend your story reminds me about. She could not stop sucking and handling my penis and did it every time I saw her, insisting on it. I went into the military and lost touch with her but I certainly thought about her a lot, still do.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Jul 6, 2018 at 4:09 AM

I would like to make you my whore. Would you let me train you? Wear pretty things? Let me show you off? Share you with my friends? Thinking you would make the perfect Barbie doll fuck toy! Would you like to lie on your back and let me and four of my friends take turns fucking You?

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