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  • — Anything Goes —
    Lesbian Female / 46

    Some backstory here, I am a mixed girl, part Hispanic and part White. My mother is Hispanic. I have an aunt, she is my mother's older sister and she is gay. She came out gay in high school and in college she was an activist with the chanting and signs and all that. If you live in California you know about all that. She is the person I came out to.

    What I got from her that day was a stern 'no digas eso'. She sat me down and told me I didn't know what I was talking about and to stay away from that. She told me I was confused. I was seventeen and at that particular time I had a crush on another girl in class. "Yes, she is pretty and yes is she is gay but you are not, you stay away from that." She made me feel bad.

    College for me was confusing, I fell in and out of love a couple of times and had one active affair. My aunt was so displeased and forbade me to bring her around to any of our family gatherings. "That" she told me "is stupid, find a nice guy who wants kids and get married and have a life". At the time my aunt was working on a PhD in Sociology and she sat me down and told me that there was one sure way of being lonely and that was to be gay. Look at her, no home, no kids, no life. "Get married and have kids and settle down and have a life".

    I met him at work, I was 24 and he was an older 30 year old engineer who had transferred in from another office and he got the hots for me and my aunt told me to let him strike, get his fangs in me, taste my blood and let him take me into his cave and do whatever he wanted to do with me, but once I was there to catch him, the Hispanic way. Not one, not two, three maybe four, just do it. It has been twenty years and our home is mostly Anglo with overtones of Hispanic. I am surely a lesbian, I have crush after crush, when I do and especially when they are so strong that I feel like crying I go and see my aunt and she talks me down and sends me back to bed where I belong.

    She is in her late sixties, still alone working at the University and she is a lesbian but she is not out there anymore. Over the years she has had this friend and that friend, but her 'kids' are me and my kids, her home turf is my home and she and my mom are really close now but they weren't when they were young. I have had several close calls, and the only thing that cures them is getting back in bed where I belong. It is hard. Other than my aunt I have never come out to anyone else.

    Deep down I know she is right, I know that she knew that what waited for me she could not allow, I know that this thing runs in the family, I am concerned about my number two daughter and when the day comes I will be just as strong as my aunt was with me. I have a place to run back to, but my aunt never had that.

    #43160 — Comments (1) — Jan 27, 2019 at 9:06 AM — That's Juicy! (2) Remove This.
  • 1
    I'm Hispanic (fraternal ancestry in Seville, Spain) and had
    blonde hair until age nine so I am wondering what you mean by
    "part Hispanic and part white." Not that it matters that much
    but your usage seems confused.


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