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  • — Women Only —
    Straight Female / 22

    I guess that what I have is a secret jealousy. My situation is that I am a graduate student at a top ten university and I work in a lab with another graduate student. We are both females and we come from so called good families. We have been friends for a while now, since undergrad and we roomed together for a semester but now she is rooming off campus with her younger sister who is an undergrad.

    My feelings for her are clouded and at times very strong. I don't like it when someone gets close to her or touches her, except maybe for her younger sister. The other day we were at a restaurant, with her sister mind you, and a guy just quietly swatted her behind. She turned on him but I felt like strangling him and I yelled DON'T TOUCH HER. Everyone heard me and she got very embarrassed and her sister told me to cool it, it was probably an accident. It wasn't he touched her rear end on purpose.

    This is just an example, because there are thousands of similar things. Just having someone talk to her makes me feel like butting in. I saw a text she sent a mutual friend, it was just a text but she said 'miss you' and that was enough to make me angry. I spoke to a lady off campus and she told me that I had jealousy and possession issues and that I needed to control them, none of the issues I described to her warranted that I blow up like I do, even if, in the remotest possibility I was in love with her. Ha, Ha. But once she said it, she made me admit to her that I had feelings for her that are not just between friends. Two more sessions and I was letting my feelings out.

    I know that she appreciates me as a friend, but she has never let me in. She is still sore that I lost my temper that night and yelled at that guy for touching her and that it was none of my business. She doesn't date and since we were juniors when we first met and roomed together she only hangs out with me, including sharing summer holidays together at each other's homes. We have slept together but because that was the best option and one of us didn't then have to sleep on the couch. I know for a fact that she has separation anxiety issues when I am with other people and she isn't included. Unlike her I let her in to my life. I have a million texts and I receive a million pictures from her, all day long. And some are not for sharing, and I have sent her like type pictures. Nothing gross but intimate, girl stuff, I'll show you if you will show me type of stuff.

    My therapist says that I need to come out and tell her point blank, not subtleness. Just say it out loud, I love you and I want you to be my girlfriend. I just can't get the nerve to do that. I have always thought of myself of being straight, but now I don't know.

    #45543 — Comments (0) — Aug 3, 2019 at 11:56 AM — That's Juicy! (7) Remove It. ( * )

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