As an early teen my father used me when my mother tuned away from him. I got pregnant and had a miscarriage, which brought the police and my father's conviction. My mother has not forgiven me for causing my father to go to jail. Needless to say I have nothing to do with my mother and I have never gone to see my father.

I became a gym rat in college, played intramural softball and experimented with girls in college. I am now with a man who claims that my college experimentation was due to my fear of penetration. No, I have a strong attraction both emotionally and physically to sex with certain girls, I like girl sex much more than man sex. I don't dislike penetration, but I limit penetration to him. "He" penetrates me, roughs me up and cums in me. "He", not men. Having him cum in me gives me a feeling of belonging to him. But sexual pleasure I fulfill with a girl that I work out with. It's not instead of, it is sex. My man calls it mutual masturbation.

I will marry my man, I "want" to be his wife. Maybe I'm growing up.