We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
Please note ... These are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In Fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Christopher Columbus & Captain Cook did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, computers, or fast cars.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them an education.

Comments

Anonymous

by Anonymous on Feb 20, 2004 at 8:54 AM

I'm a gal and I loved this list.

That said, a couple quibbles

"Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In Fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days." --Just remember that when you tell us in advance that you want to go to your college Homecoming Reunion the same weekend that we want the garage cleaned!

"Christopher Columbus & Captain Cook did not need directions and neither do we." --Columbus WAS lost --he thought he was going to Japan and Cook died before reaching his destination --the natives killed and ate him!

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Feb 27, 2004 at 6:59 AM

I believe you to be a clever and sensible lady.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Mar 8, 2004 at 3:52 AM

I have heard this list many times as it is circulated on the net with some frequency. We all have our differences and I figure the toilet seat thing depends on male to female ratio in the house. More males, don't bitch, more females, put it down or die (lol) Btw, in our house the seat is down. My husband lived with his mom and two sisters. You can guess who won THAT argument.

--moonchild

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