— If The Boss Only Knew
—
I ain't no girlscout, but I made some cookies one day. There was this self imposed elitist click that thought they were so cool and so great. This was in the 80's, so you can imagine what they dressed like thinking they were all Wang Chung Tonight (Think Zappa's "Disco Boy" song) Anyway, this particular click really pissed me off. I bought some pepperidge farm cookies, the thin ones with the dark chocolate in the middle. Nuked them in the microwave a few seconds, peeled them apart, scraped the chocolate off, and instead added some Exlax that I melted via doubler boiler method (chocolate in a pot, pot in some hot water) and smeared the exlax in the cookies. Who'd know? I put the cookies back in the original bag and left in in the break room. There were 5 cookies loaded with the exlax, the rest were normal. That means about 3 bars of exlax per "laced" cookie. Sure enough, this click took their regular break at the same time, and helped themselves to the cookies. (It was very common for people to bring stuff in and share it with each other)(I did tell a few people I liked "do not eat the cookies" but did not say why) Later on in the day the cookies started to kick in, after everyone came back around one and two o'clock lunch.One of my targets was walking around rubbing his belly saying, "Oh man, I shouldn't have eaten White Castles- belly bombers" Another target (a woman) went up to the data entry manager (who I warned NOT to eat the cookies) and said, "Man, I've been wiping my asshole so much it HURTS!" The other target apparently did not get one of the GOOD cookies. other people did, though, like the credit assistant who shall remain nameless- this woman always ate watercress sandwiches, yogurt, or cottage cheese, oh what self-control she had, always on a diet and sticking to it, bragging about how she suffered and would like nothing more than to eat a bacon cheeseburger with fries, but oh, no, I can't, I'm on a DIET!!! That lady must have glommed herself a few of those cookies because she was out the next day because of diarreah. The credit manager must have helped herself, too, because she was overheard saying, "I had a cold, but I FEEL LIKE IT'S LEAVING MY SYSTEM NOW" Yes, the ladies' room stunk, but it was the sweet smell of victory. The funniest part is, two of my "targets" were phone sales people and were required to sit at their desk all day to answer the phone. If they had to leave their desk, they had to tell the receptionist why. "Gotta go shit my brains out again!" At the end of the day it was also funny- one of the targets did a peel-out of the parking lot in her new Camaro- guess she wanted to make it home before she shit all over her seats. That's what they get for messing with me. I may not be all-powerful, but I know your habits and thus can control your bowels. Ha ha ha How do you feel now, big shots?
— If The Boss Only Knew —I ain't no girlscout, but I made some cookies one day. There was this self imposed elitist click that thought they were so cool and so great. This was in the 80's, so you can imagine what they dressed like thinking they were all Wang Chung Tonight (Think Zappa's "Disco Boy" song) Anyway, this particular click really pissed me off. I bought some pepperidge farm cookies, the thin ones with the dark chocolate in the middle. Nuked them in the microwave a few seconds, peeled them apart, scraped the chocolate off, and instead added some Exlax that I melted via doubler boiler method (chocolate in a pot, pot in some hot water) and smeared the exlax in the cookies. Who'd know? I put the cookies back in the original bag and left in in the break room. There were 5 cookies loaded with the exlax, the rest were normal. That means about 3 bars of exlax per "laced" cookie. Sure enough, this click took their regular break at the same time, and helped themselves to the cookies. (It was very common for people to bring stuff in and share it with each other)(I did tell a few people I liked "do not eat the cookies" but did not say why) Later on in the day the cookies started to kick in, after everyone came back around one and two o'clock lunch.One of my targets was walking around rubbing his belly saying, "Oh man, I shouldn't have eaten White Castles- belly bombers" Another target (a woman) went up to the data entry manager (who I warned NOT to eat the cookies) and said, "Man, I've been wiping my asshole so much it HURTS!" The other target apparently did not get one of the GOOD cookies. other people did, though, like the credit assistant who shall remain nameless- this woman always ate watercress sandwiches, yogurt, or cottage cheese, oh what self-control she had, always on a diet and sticking to it, bragging about how she suffered and would like nothing more than to eat a bacon cheeseburger with fries, but oh, no, I can't, I'm on a DIET!!! That lady must have glommed herself a few of those cookies because she was out the next day because of diarreah. The credit manager must have helped herself, too, because she was overheard saying, "I had a cold, but I FEEL LIKE IT'S LEAVING MY SYSTEM NOW" Yes, the ladies' room stunk, but it was the sweet smell of victory. The funniest part is, two of my "targets" were phone sales people and were required to sit at their desk all day to answer the phone. If they had to leave their desk, they had to tell the receptionist why. "Gotta go shit my brains out again!" At the end of the day it was also funny- one of the targets did a peel-out of the parking lot in her new Camaro- guess she wanted to make it home before she shit all over her seats. That's what they get for messing with me. I may not be all-powerful, but I know your habits and thus can control your bowels. Ha ha ha How do you feel now, big shots? #818 — Comments (3) — 6/15/2002 at 8:58 PM — That's Juicy! (0) — That's Lame. (0)