I am 26. I recenty came out of a horrible relationship of 10 months with a man that deceived me. To make a long story short, alot of things happend. He lied, he was married and when I found out and wanted nothing to do with him, he threatend me, laughed and called me names,told me I was a nobody and I meant nothing anyway and hurtful things to that nature. He has also told mutual friends the opposite that he is the one that wants nothing to do with me and that "I beg him and I can't understand no".

I know what I am feeling now about sexuality has alot to do with what happend with this guy but I am so totaly disgusted I don't know if I will snap out of this anytime soon if ever.
I get upset often everytime I think about the situation. Also I noticed recently when I watch TV or see anything that hints intimacy I start to feel disgusted. I don't ever want to be touched again by anyone! even if I see a penis, (on TV etc) it leaves me with a feeling of seeing a "snakelike" creature. I don't know what to do, Its been about 5 months now and I can't even touch my own body . I get this feeling of overwelming guilt and disgust just to think about doing it. When I go out and a guy looks at me innocently or tries to hit on me, I get really annoyed. Is this normal? I want to see a theropist, however the finacial funds or not possible. Your kind words and advice will be appreciated. Thanks.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 2, 2004 at 9:23 PM

First, it's not normal what you are experiencing but yet it is because of what you have experienced. Second, there is probably a women's shelter in the area or something like that and they usually offer free counseling to women who need it and can't afford it. If you have health insurance, you probably could go see both a psychiatrist and a therapist; usually you only pay the specialist fee listed on your card and you just have to get a referral from your PCP (you might want to call your insurance company and check with them). Third, if this guy is harassing you and causing problems, you do have options like a restraining order and things like that. And if your friends don't believe your side of it, well then they're just not true friends now are they?? And they really shouldn't be taking sides if they are friends with you and that rotten son of a bitch. But you do need to talk to someone and start working thru this because it's time you reclaim your dignity and self esteem and not be a victim anymore. Good luck to you, and I hope you get the help you need so you can get back to loving life again and being happy.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 3, 2004 at 5:03 PM

Time has a way of healing; in the mean time if it don't itch, don't scratch it. And it may not feel all that way to you now but a ten month relationship isn't really that long; hell it takes yrs for two people to REALLY get to know each other. Counseling could be great if you could find one you like; check out the front of your phone book for numbers; and hey; its so easy to check up on people these days; next time don't be so trusting until you've done your homework; and count your blessings there are no kids involved becuuse unless you've gone through a messy divorce where years of financial assets and little ones are involved you don't know what a difficult break up is. Who cares what others say or don't say; sounds like a lot of childish BS really; maybe its time for move, might do you a lot of good.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 4, 2004 at 7:48 PM

It's the old school of hard knocks,girl. I know you feel hurt and you're probably more pissed at yourself than anything else, for falling for the big goof. All you can do is forgive yourself,again and again and again. Don;t be so hard on yourself. We are all only human and we all make mistakes. Yes, you too!!! It's ok. It's all part of life and growing up. Here's the deal;;; If you don't ever take a chance you will never lose,but,you will never WIN either. There are a lot of good guys out there too!! We are all just a micro-speck here for a micro-second,so we might as well do it all and do it soon. Do it with all your might,cause from the grave we do nothing!!! So,get ahold of your bootstraps and pull yourself back in the race. What seems rough now will look like a walk in the park in another 20 yrs. OMG!! don't ever give up on sex!!! Good Luck!!

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 14, 2004 at 7:55 AM

I went through a similar period like this. It does pass. Your body will tell you when it is ready. I was completely celibate for 3 years. Then I started having erotic dreams about an anyonymous man. 6 weeks after that had my first date in 3 years. Dated a few guys and finally slept with one. I now am in a very healthy and satisfying relationship.

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