In H.S., I was the sterotypical beautiful girl who couldn't get a date. Actually, I was the beautiful girl who wasn't allowed to date. I was born here, but my parents are immigrants. Their culture believes in arranged marriages. So no dating or even being friends with boys. I was too embarassed to admit this, so junior year I invented a BF that I supposedly met when I went back to my parents' country for the summers. I used pictures of one of my older male cousins and letters (in my language) from a friend to help with the lie. All of my friends believed me and loved hearing about my long-distance romance. As a senior, when my friends lost their virginity, I did too. Using a folk tale from my parent's country, I made up an elaborate story about sneaking away one night to ride on horseback high up into the mountains where we made love in a candlelit cave. On our way back, we were attacked by bandits. My boyfriend killed them with his rifle and took all of the money they had stolen from others. Then he bought me a gold necklace. This was all BS of course. My dad would have killed me if I so much as looked at a boy during our trips back there. The necklace was a present from my grandmother to show that I was eligible for marriage (I was 17).

I continued the lie in college. Actually, it snowballed into an "engagement" with a cheap fake diamond ring that I bought myself. The wedding was supposed to take place abroad in June and my "husband" would come to the US to live with me. My sorority sisters even threw me a surprise engagement shower shortly before graduation. Too embarassed to reveal the truth, that summer, I tricked my cousin into putting on his best suit while I posed beside him in a fancy white dress (red is the color used for weddings there, so he didn't know what I was doing.)

That was two months ago. I am now back in the US and living at home while my parents try to find a husband for me. I work part-time, but spend much of my time looking at pictures of eleigible men from my mother's village. Every day, I take my mother running errands since she doesn't drive. And I worry that I am going to run into a friend from HS or college who will ask me how my husband is. I could lie if I am alone. But if I'm with my parents or siblings, what am I going to say?

Comments

Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 14, 2004 at 9:15 AM

First of all, you are in America, dear. You do not have to go through an arranged marriage if you don't want to. When people come here, they are supposed to become a part of our culture while still keeping aspects of theirs. If I were you, I would state my independence of that nonsense and live your own life

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 14, 2004 at 3:58 PM

My family would disown me if I didn't marry the man they choose. I would never see any of them again. The best I can hope is that my husband is educated and wants to live in the U.S.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 18, 2004 at 10:18 AM

You know, maybe it would be a good thing for you to run into one of your old friends. Then you would have to confront your parents on this. I agree with everyone here. You are in America, honey. They can't force you to marry anyone.

I hope it doesn't come to them disowning you, but if they do, then you are better off without them. They are in our country now. They need to play by our rules, and so do you.

Good luck. I hope - and I think we ALL hope - that it works out for you.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 22, 2004 at 7:47 PM

what country is this? may I ask? Please.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 22, 2004 at 7:50 PM

I am surprised they let you get an education. But yet you are now an "educated" woman but you can't choose who you want. OOOOKKKKKKK....

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