There are many ways to discribe myself when I was a young boy. Timid and fearful are the first things that come to mind but I was also easily intimadated. I was always small for my age and always looked younger than I really was. That is still true now even though I am 32 years old. I still get asked for ID when I go into a bar or nightclub and even when I just order a drink in a resturant. When I was 6 years old I fell into the cracks of the child welfare department. I was put under foster care in Staten Island until I went to high school. I still don't know why, but just before I went to high school I was sent to a group home in Brooklyn where I remained until 18. It took years for me to get over the cruelty and humiliation I endured while in that foster home in Staten Island. I probably needed some type of therapy but was always to ashamed to relate to anyone the things that were done to me. I have mostly blocked it out over time but just two weeks ago I was in Manhatten when I saw Paula and her girfriend Mellisa on 7th ave. I recognized the two of them right away, they are as big as ever and both slobs. Neither of them saw me and doubt if they would know who I was anyhow. I havn't seen either of them since I was 13 years old.

When I first got to that foster home the father was still alive and both he and his wife were very mean to me. Paula was their daughter and I think she is at least 7 maybe 8 years older than me. Her mother and father had me petrified of them immediatly. The first few months both of them spanked me several times and what made it even more scary was that the father spanked Paula often. I never saw him do it to her but heard her screaming and crying often as he did. The father died when I was 9 but I stayed with Paula and her mother anyway until I went to high school. After his death things got much worse. Even when he was alive, he and his wife would pull my pants down to spank me and often in front of Paula. When I was 6 or 7 I don't think it embarrassed me much becuse it was so painful thats all I worried about. By the time I was 9 it became humiliating to me when I was spanked in front of Paula. The mother would make me take my pants and underware off completely and spank either with her bare hand or a wooden coat hanger. She often did this to me when Paula was there and it usually happened in the kitchen or living room.

The mother worked everyday so Paula was in charge of me after school and many weekends. The summers were the worst and the year I finished 4th grade it all became a nightmare. Paula was 16 or 17 by then and she was so big there was no way for me to defend myself. I was more afraid of her than I was her mother. That summer was when she began spanking me. I was 9 and yet she treated my like a toddler. I suppose it was partly my fault the way she thought of me because it took little for me to start crying. I was so sensitive that as soon as she or her mother even hollared at me I would cry. They sometimes just smacked my face, pulled my hair or ridiculed me for something and I would burst into tears. I think they considered me a sissy, which I was. I was continually belittled by them especially by Paula whos abuse of me progressed as time went on. At times she would tell her mother she "had" to spank me and her mother never told her not to. It became more humiliating as I got older and she began telling me how small my penis was and how skinny my rear was. By the end of that summer she would have me naked before she spanked me and started doing it while Mellisa was watching. I cried so bad sometimes I had trouble breathing and all they did was laugh at me. I didn't know it at the time but years later found out that Paula and Melissa are lesbians. I don't know if that has anything to do with the way Paula treated me but believe it did. She made up reasons to spank me and more often then not had one or more of her friends witness it. The embarrassment became as bad as the whipping I received and she made me undress myself in front of thes other girls. I don't know if all of them were gay but most of them were heavy or ugly or both.

As I started puberty it was even more humiliating but I was so afraid of Paula I submitted to it. If I gave her a hard time she would actually beat me up not just slapping me but also punching and kicking me or throwing me on the floor. I would start to cry as soon as she told me to take off my clothes. Melissa was there more often than anyone but Paula would have some of her other girfriends watch. I would be sobbing like a baby sometimes and I think that amused them also. I had pubic hair and am not very well endowed which they constantly mentioned to me. Paula would make me stand naked in front of her and whoever else was there for long periods of time before she began spanking me. Most of the time she made me bend over the back of the living room chair and would smack me with her hand or the wooden hanger. I sometimes had welts for days at a time. It began like an interagation when I think I was 12 and Paula and Melissa began asking me if I liked girls or if I masturbated. It was summertime and Paula called me into the living room telling me to take off my clothes. I knew she was going to spank me but had no idea why. Melissa was there and another girl whos name I have forgotten. I started to cry again but obeyed her as usual. Paula made a remark about my pubic hair and Melissa started talking about my penis and scrotum. The other girl didn't say much but laughed at me the whole time. Paula started asking if I masturbated but kept saying jerking off all the time. She had the wood coat hanger and began taping my penis with it. It was all a big joke to them and without wanting to I got an erection. That was the first time I ever got hard in front of them and was crying at the same time. It was Melissa who encouraged Paula to make me masturbate in front of them. Paula put old newspaper in front of me and squirted hand lotion on my penis telling me if I masturbated she wouldn't spank me. I was crying so bad my erection began to go limp and I could hardly talk. When I refused Paula pushed me over the back of the chair and began beating me with the hanger. I was almost histerical and she finally stopped whipping me and made me stand in front of them again. I still had the hand lotion all over my pubic hair and she and Melissa kept telling me to masturbate or she would whip me again. I never stopped cry or at least sobbing but I began to jerk off. It was so humiliating I just closed my eyes for a while and it must have taken ten minutes or more for me to cum. When I eventually did cum the three of them just laughed about it.

For the next year or so Paula and Melissa had me masturbate at least two or three times every month. The spankings didn't stop and Paula always found an excuse to humiliate me in front of her friends. I think it had a lot to do with her domination over me and the fact that I was so afraid of her. I was 13 the last time I was spanked and forced to let them see me masturbate. That August is when I was sent to Brooklyn. Even there the first year or so I was bullied by other boys but not nearly as bad as I was with Paula and her mother. I'm not only ashamed about how I let Paula do all that to me but it also embarrasses me to think how I was such a sissy about it. It was bad enough how the saw me naked but they also saw how I cried and behaved like a small child even when I became a teenager. I think the way Paula and her mother treated me made me feel that way but that is no excuse for acting like I did. I never had the courage to say anything about it and always submitted to them out of fear. Rarely did social workers come to that house but even when they did I was to scared to say anything about what was being done to me. I never told anyone about it but know I should have. Its hard to explain how traumatized I was or how easily intimadated I became. Paula and Melissa must be still together after all these years and when I saw them it occured to me how pathetic they have become. The two of them are still overweight pigs. Melissa is even heavier than Paula now and is probably close to 300 pounds and just as ugly as ever. They are both 40 or close to it now yet look much older than that. I was tempted to say something to them but never did.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Dec 28, 2010 at 5:30 PM

That is so sad that you had to endure all of that. What Paula and Melissa did wasn't right at all, but she most likely learned it was okay from the shit she had for parents. For you, I hope you have found love and happiness in your life and even some relief from getting this off your chest. You shouldn't keep this a secret, you did nothing wrong.

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