I started seeing another guy and realized I was being a total bitch and ended my marriage (what I should have done in the first place). This new guy, who I am still with, is a total sweet heart to me, but I cheated on him anyway with some idiot I met at a party. I have no idea why I did that, but I did. In the meantime, life bites us all on the ass and my sweetie cheated on me. I was devastated, but I have since forgiven him and he is pushing marriage now.
Where do I stand? My boyfriend is wonderful but I still load the guilt trip on him for cheating on me a year ago. He has no idea that I have cheated on him. I love him and don't know what I would do without him, but I still find myself 'looking' for another guy. I don't have any idea what I want anymore.
I am 36 and need to grow up. A friend of mine told me she thinks I have a complete fear of commitment. Any suggestions?