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  • — My Cheating Heart —
    Posted by Anonymous

    I have been cheating on my husband for almost three years now. It started out innocently enough, a drunken one-night stand. Then I began to need more. Not just the sex. I have realized that I need affection, affection that I am not getting in my marriage.

    I feel horrible about the whole thing, but I feel doomed to keep repeating the same mistakes. My husband is a wonderful man, very caring, very kind. He loves me more than life. The horrible thing is that I don't feel the same for him. I've grown and he has stayed the same. We've been together for 9 years, and during that time I've grown professionally/personally and he hasn't. He's boring to me now.

    I find myself searching for the "perfect" man all the time. I am not crazy enough to think that there's any such thing as a perfect man, but I really do want more than I have. I really want to find a professional man, a man who doesn't mind dressing up, going out dancing, and can mingle at my company functions. I want someone who wants to host nice dinner parties, and isn't intimidated by discussions of current events or politics. Perhaps I'm being shallow, but I prefer to credit this whole thing to my growth as an individual.

    I really need some advice on this one. I really think I should leave him and figure out exactly what I want. But the thought of being a divorced woman scares the hell out of me. Hopefully there are some people out there (nice people, not creeps) who can give me some direction. Thank you.

    #961 — Comments (20) — May 13, 2001 at 7:58 PM — That's Juicy! (4) Remove It.
  • 1
    Personally, I think you should make up your mind and either stay or go. If you want to be discrete about WHY you want a divorce, make something up ... but I think it is wrong to string him along. He might be able to find a new wife to live his boring life with, and you can continue to guiltlessly sow your wild oats, or settle down with someone more atune to your tastes.
  • 2
    I agree with you that it is wrong to string him along. He really is a great guy. I am just scared to death of the whole process of leaving. I mean, I never thought of being a divorced woman. The fear keeps me here more than anything.
  • 3
    You are only a bit out of control, however you seem to be a very acertive woman and should know how to take the proper precautions.
    I am a grown man like you, and after 28 years of trying to teach my wife how to grow, she still wants to act like a teanager and refuses to assume responsabilities that a over 45 person should.
    Although I am not cheating on her at the moment, I have done it in the pass with responsible, grown women who were seeking your same desires: Love, caring, good conversation, clean relations, and it was wonderful.
    I have felt tempted at times to ask grown women, however they are too close for comfort.
    God Help you
  • 4
    u need exactly what i need... and i'm only 19!!! ure not shallow, everyone has a right to want the best for themselves... but u need to be honest... that's the most important thing...good luck
  • 5
    Dear Out of Control, I did the same thing to my husband for 13 years and he had no idea. We've been married for 27 years. I finally got myself into therapy to find out why I was always searching for the perfect man (believe me, he's not out there). I confessed everything to my husband last summer (something I never thought I could do) and we are working it out. I am still in therapy, also go to group therapy for sex addicts, go to couples counseling with my husband and attend SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous) meetings. It's a lot of work but it's worth it. My husband and I have never been closer. Good Luck.
  • 6
    You sound to me like you have it together in your head and heart and soul. Follow your bliss. Don't fear hurting anyone -- all is for the best when we act from our hearts.
  • 7
    I think a lot of your problem is your love the excitement of a new relationship. Something to give you butterflies in your stomache and someone to give you that extra attention you crave to get from your husband.
    One of the problems can be that he's too "comfortable". Do you and your husband still "date"? That can be a biggie when it comes to the cause of infidelity.
    I know quite a bit on the subject...I've thought these things over a lot...I'm in the same boat as you!
    Good Luck and I hope you can work it out with your husband!
  • 8

    I saw your confession and my story is EXACTLY like yours. Unfortunately i think the answer is...we arent satisfied with one lover...not long term. Sex is exciting for us as is the hunt and everything that goes with new relationships. I wish you luck but the only thing i can tell you is im in the same place you are....and if you find an answer please let me know. If you want to contact me you can on yahoo. my screen name is mrbigmax65.

  • 9
    I am in the same situation as you, more or less, and I am about to leave my husband, out of mercy for him. I have strung him along long enough, hoping that I would come to feel more passionate about our marriage, or that he would start to be more interested in the things I am into, or that I would just have a revelation one day that since I love him and he loves me, love is enough.

    However, that doesn't happen. I feel horrible for cheating on him, and at the same time justified. But I don't want to be the kind of person I have to be to cheat. I want an open, honest relationship with a person who is more in tune with me... and he deserves the same. So do you and your husband.

    The prospect of divorce is as terrifying as hell. I married at 25, pretty innocent about relationships and men, and at 30, I have committed adultery (numerous times now) and have seen the effect it has on someone (because I told him about the first incident, hoping to releive my guilt and come clean with him, and let him know why he was feeling so awful about us lately). Big mistake. It's like stomping on a baby who just put out its arms for you to pick it up.

    And yet you have to be brave enough to make your own needs important, by leaving, and giving him the best and most loving gift you can give him now, which is to leave.

    Spare him the anguish of having you but not really having you, emotionally, and make sure to leave him with some productive years in which he can find a new partner.
    And you can eventually get a new one for yourself, as well.
  • 10
    Listen, Frankly speaking u need to continue doing wat u are doing..... Its perfectly normal. The only difference being that u are open about it and some are not cos their ego does not allow to be open. Coming to your husband, as long as he is not complaining dont worry for all u know he is also having a good time with somebody else just like you.... so relax and have a good time

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