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This category is for confessing to things that are just plain 'ol "funny as fuck." If it won't make us piss ourselves with laughter, it simply doesn't belong here. Knock yourself out you funny shit..

- Funny As Fuck -
Straight Male / 29

Bullseye

When I was with my ex-wife Liz we enlisted her friend Charity to film us fucking. My ex loved the attention she got from posting online, I was just along for the ride. The funny as fuck event happened one time I was leaned back in a chair and Liz was mounting me with her feet by my waist basically doing deep squats on my cock. It felt amazing and made for good shots of her pussy sliding from the tip of my cock and slamming back down. Charity is getting the action shot and right as I'm about to blow my load my cock slips out and as Liz comes down it pushed my cock downward right as I came. In the video I direct blasted Charity's camera lenses and immediately following that you just hear "oh fuck!" and the camera falls to the floor. Half my load hit the lenses, the other half went directly into Charity's eye. I felt bad but couldn't stop laughing. At the time Charity was pissed but after getting her eye rinsed out she laughed about it too.

0
# 71146 - by Matias / April 24, 2024
    • - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Female / 23

    " No Panty Mondays"

    When I was in high school, several of us girls spent a week at a vacation home on the lake with the parents of one girl. We got to smoking and clowning around and taking naughty pictures of each other. We didn't show our faces, but it was naughty and a lot of fun.

    Then we cooked up this scheme we called " No Panty Mondays". Many of the girls went to school on Mondays without panties and because of social media chatter it grew bigger and bigger.

    At first after it grew, it turned into a " Does she or doesn't she" kind of joke at school. Guys were trying to get a peek and even some of the male teachers who got wind of it sat at their desks giving the girls a good look. Some of us even made sure the teachers did see some kitty fur. We would sit at our desks in a short skirt and slowly open and close our legs and then laughing about catching the male teachers in the act.

    By the time school was about ready to get out at the end of the year, a bunch of girls were anonymous posting shots of their naked butts and trimmed pubes in raised skirts. Half the school was commenting and trying to guess who was showing off their stuff online. It almost created a scandal when one of the male teachers showed some of our pictures to another teacher and the shit hit the fan.

    The next year at the beginning of school, the dean of women lectured every Girl's gym class and read the riot act to everyone and threatened expulsion if we ever got caught doing it again. High school was so much fun. LOL.

    1
    # 70996 - by Gina / April 12, 2024
    - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Female / 53

    My Straight Nephew.

    I recently saw a confession called "My Straight Nephew" and it made me giggle at little. The confession was not my cup of tea, but the title rang a bell.

    I had a nephew who at around age 15 caught my eye when he and my sister were visiting me. I noticed when he got out of the pool, his wet trunks revealed a big bulge. I kept an eye on him and too my delight one day I opened the bathroom door to give him fresh towels when he was showering. While I was in there looking thru the glass shower doors , he stepped out of the shower suddenly and I got a good look at him nude.

    He was definitely my "straight nephew", yes he was straight ,big and very hard. I said "Oops" and handed him a towel. The kid must of had a cock that was over 6 inches....LOL.

    2
    # 70940 - by Auntie M. / April 7, 2024
    • - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Male / 65

    A Christmas To Remember

    Many years ago on Christmas morning we had friends and family over for breakfast and opening presents.
    One of the younger kids received a toy that needed battery’s and didn’t come with any. My wife tells the young girl, maybe 7-9 years old to go up stairs to our bed room and get the flashlight that’s in the bedside table and we can take the batteries from it. She takes her younger sister with her. A few minutes later the two of them come running down the stairs yelling and waving what they found ”Is this it? “ they yell. About 12 friends and family look to see what they brought. You probably guessed it, my wife’s vibrator! So my wife trying to cover her embarrassment says Oh no, that not it Cheryl (her BFF) must have left that here. My wife quickly grabs it hoping not too many notice what they brought down. I think pretty much everyone saw and if they didn’t were told later by someone who did.
    Now Cheryl is a very open sexual person and not embarrassed by sex. Also the person who introduced my wife to vibrators. So later when she and her family arrive and some start to giggle and whisper she was a little confused. My wife pulls her aside and confesses what had happened. So Cheryl says to everyone “yep it’s mine, I’m always leaving it somewhere “ 30 years later and many worn out vibrators we are still together.
    The best stories are the ones you can’t make up

    4
    # 70905 - by Cj / April 5, 2024
    - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Male / 23

    Keep An Eye Out On Her

    My buddy recently headed back to the military and before he left he told me that he thinks that Jan his Asian GF might be cheating. I asked him why he said that. He said that last time she had sex with him and she let him fuck her rear that it was really painful for her. But the last few times since he was back she took his cock with ease. Jan is a gorgeous Asian chick with small boobs and some thick legs and a great ass. We all went out the night before he was to leave and had a good time. It was at the bar that he asked me to keep an eye out on Jan for him. I agreed and the next day he left and would be gone for another 6-8 months I believe was what he said. That night I drove over to Jan’s and proceeded to fuck her ass with my big cock. See I have been banging Jan for about 6 months and the reason she takes giant dick up her ass is because she is used to my dick up her rear. It just happened I know il get shit for being a horrible friend. But if you saw Jan you would fuck her as well. Besides she is going to break up with him in a few weeks anyway since I am moving away and I’m going to take her with me. I work for family that own a big company and am set up to run a new division in So Cal. So I have been down there looking for houses and have taken Jan with me. What he doesn’t know is Jan is expecting and I knocked her up about a month before he came back. She is very submissive which I like and does just about anything I ask of her. She will make a good wife and mom and the fact that she is smoking hot helps.

    4
    # 70861 - by Bad / April 2, 2024
    • - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Male / 51

    Isn't There Another Site For Guys To Post Gay Sex Stories?

    Jesus H. Christ, every third confession is some form of sissy boy, fuck my ass, cum swallowing, asshole stretching, gangbang fairy tales. I'm beginning to look forward to reading shit from the "Video Master" and drunk barefoot Elvis at Waffle House....LMAO.

    9
    # 70743 - by Ben Quick / March 26, 2024
    - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Male / 41

    Car Park Rage

    About to enter a disabled parking bay so we had room for exiting and entering with my elderly and infirm mother, a gentleman decided he was having the space for his expensive sports car.
    When I tried to let him know we needed the space, he put his middle finger up and told me where to go.
    Normally that would have incurred a significant thrashing for the chap, however I was with my sister as well as mum, so we moved further away and eventually parked.
    Now never one to be childish, once mum was inside the venue we were attending, I went to check the rear tyres of the sports car, as when the gentleman put his middle finger up at me, I think I noticed they were decreasing in volume.
    I was right. Although the rest of the tyres were OK, both of the rear tyres were flat, but only on the bottom.
    So I decided not to inform the driver, thinking to myself he might like them flat on the bottom.
    Oh well I thought, back to taking care of mum.
    About twenty minutes later we all heard a lot of shouting from the car park.
    I was wrong. Apparently the gentleman doesn't like his tyres flat on the bottom.
    As we drove away half an hour later, he was still waiting for car rescue service to attend him.
    Now I'm not one to gloat, but I did chuckle a little bit as we drove past.
    However, and it absolutely shocked me, both my sister and my mother waved at him having put their windows down, using two fingers to suggest he had two irregular shaped tyres, I think.

    3
    # 70228 - by Adam / February 22, 2024
    - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Female / 60

    Looking Back It Was Bad But Not That Bad It Could Have Been Worse

    I was a pretty bad girl in my youth, had a baby out of wedlock, got busted more than once for weed. I thought often about just charging for what I was doing for free, but I settled on 'g*fts' instead of money. But one day I woke up alone and looked in the mirror. That girl from my youth was no longer there, my son was 25 and living in Colorado. I tried to pin point when the last time I had sex, I was working a job as a bookkeeper for a doctor's clinic. So much money, and they fought over giving me a $200 a month raise.

    I ran away.

    I went down to the Greyhound and caught a bus to LA. Four days later I got into LA, with my savings and found a rent a room by the week motel and went looking for a job. I got a job working for mechanics shop as a bookkeeper. The mechanic, an excon, had served twenty two years, never married, lived with his emotions. He doesn't deny what he did, it was something you do when you are young. You don't think about twenty and parole and a record. I let him screw me all he wanted. The first woman he had since before he was sentenced. It gave me great pleasure, to have him screw me over and over. I showed him how girls treated men now, didn't complain about having to swallow, or have him come all over my tits. I don't kid myself, I was also looking for a nothing but sex relationship.

    We live now in eastern Oregon in a small town and he works as a mechanic at the Goodyear repair shop. I work as a bookkeeper for the county. I'm old now, 60 is old when you lived half of it before you turned 20. He's 66 and not eligible for medicare or social security. He's a good mechanic and he appreciates a 'broad' making the coffee. I call him my 'old man' and he calls me 'the broad', fitting nicknames for people like us. He can still have sex, even if it's not like it was right after I met him. For an old broad like me getting some dick now and then is a bonus to the relationship.

    1
    # 70199 - by Helvetia (Hell for short) / February 20, 2024
    - Funny As Fuck -
    Gay Male / 19

    Shards Of Methass

    Shards of meth in my asses on glasses
    I had an evening to myself and had a fresh bag of meth. Lots of shards, I was wanting to put a shard in my ass and then wanted to push it in deep. I have a 12" x2. 5" dildo I am wanting to use to push the shard in deep. So after making sure I was clean, I lubed up the dildo to be ready then I lubed a finger and my ass then pushed a big shard in as far as my finger would go. Then I took the dildo and after making sure the shard was still in me, I slowly, very slowly inserted the fat head into my ass. I could feel the burning shard as it was slowly pushed deeper and inch at a time. I clenched my ass, biting down on the big intruder and each time I relaxed, my now hungry ass, drew in the shard and the dildo deeper inward. Pre cum was flowing out now and I kept steady pressure on the dildo so each time I relaxed, more dildo slid in. Next thing I knew, the entire dildo was in my spasming ass that just kept clenching over and over and it felt better than I thought was possible. I sat up and slopped Vaseline on my cock and started grinding my ass into the mattress and squeezed and rubbed my cock til it was hard and my pre cum was flowing on every upward stroke, I knew if I edged myself like this for a couple hours, I would cum so hard when I finally wanted to blow and with the huge dildo up inside me that my cum was going to be epic. So about 2 hours into this session, after edging and stopping countless times, I decided to cum and I had spasm after spasm, cumming a controlled amount at first but then I exploded with huge ropes flying a couple feet up and 8-10 exquisite blasts then more spasms, feeling better than anything ever felt before. I am officially hooked and look forward to this same solo pleasure as often as I can do it.

    0
    # 70132 - by Shardytardi / February 15, 2024
    • - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Male / 53

    Stretched Out

    Saw a post recently from a female asking if a vagina can get stretched out and can guys tell? Well I am a 53 yr old male. During my sexual encounters I have experienced very tight vaginas and some not so tight. Nothing too far out of whack. But...
    A few years ago I had several sexual encounters with a woman. She was a couple years older than me. When we first got together I questioned if she enjoyed anal sex. I definitely do. She told me "yes" and told me that her ex husband used to fuck her ass like 9 times out of 10. She further added he was quite large. That first time I brought some KY and started working my cock in her ass. It wasn't much work, my cock nearly fell in. Loose was not the word. I fucked her ass for quite some time and it was so loose I started to lose my erection. Her pussy on the other hand was quite nice. To give you an idea or description of just how loose her asshole was...
    One encounter was a quickie in the office. I bent her over a desk and lifted up her dress. I inserted my cock directly in her asshole. COMPLETELY DRY! Not even a little spit. My cock went in easily without so much as a whimper from her. Now I don't claim to be John Holmes, average length but thick. But she was able to take it dry. I still couldn't get off and had to switch to her pussy to cum.

    1
    # 69960 - by Confused / February 6, 2024
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