Adult Confessions

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This category is for confessing to things that are just plain 'ol "funny as fuck." If it won't make us piss ourselves with laughter, it simply doesn't belong here. Knock yourself out you funny shit..

- Funny As Fuck -
Straight Female / 29

Got Caught In A Lie

I became friends with a man at work. I tried to pass myself off as a lesbian. Unaware of where he was taking me we went to this lesbian bar after work. He had paid this butch biker woman he knew to hit on me. Her hug was to familiar and she kissed me on the mouth. I was nervous and uncomfortable and he slipped me napkin where he had written 'want cock?'

He called me out, and several weeks later I was getting cock.

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# 46455 - by Moss / July 10, 2020
    • - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Male / 65

    Watch The News

    Back in UK, with my first wife, to cut a long story short, I locked myself up in my rubber bag, which cost a lot of money, custom made, when we didn't have much, and mailed the keys to myself, priority mail. When my wife returned from shopping, she sighed, and said "I'm not in the mood for this right now...where are the keys?" When I confessed proudly what I had done, she screamed with frustration, and turned on the TV...minutes later a News update came on, and I heard the announcer say "The Post Office strike seems unlikely to settle in the immediate future, so the public should prepare themselves for what could be at LEAST a week, probably more, without mail services"
    "You fucking idiot, don't you ever watch the News? Well, you always say I don't keep you in there long enough, - maybe this will teach you a lesson! The amount of money you spent on this thing would have made a mortgage payment, so I'm damned if I'm cutting you out of it, just so you can replace it, at that sort of cost! Don't bother arguing - I don't believe anything you say any more...I'll make sure you don't die in there, although I'm pretty sure death will look good, eventually! If your fuck-up doesn't put you off this nonsense, then probably nothing will!"
    I did survive, with much discomfort and misery, lost twenty pounds in weight, and became even more addicted to total enclosure bondage, which eventually brought about a divorce...
    So, learn some 'situational awareness' if you intend to live on the edge....

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    # 46423 - by Sendep / July 7, 2020
    - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Male / 36

    Got To Try Something New

    Lost my dick in a trucking accident. I have this nub of a dick. Can't say I am the latest and greatest when it comes to making a woman happy. What I have left gets hard, but an inch is not what it takes to do the job. In 'rehab', let's laugh together, I had this therapist who tried to convince me that all would be well.

    I have been living with my nub for three years now, I satisfy myself with porn. I guess I am projecting because between a hard man dick and a wet pussy, I get a lot more out of hard cocks, working a man pussy. I started reaching out on gay sites, figuring I was going to take a dick up my ass.

    It has taken three years, I just want to say that I finally did it with a man who lives in my complex. I told him I was a virgin in that department, gave him a good view of my nub, showed him I was serious and sucked his man dick (pretty good too for a novice), and let him lube up, put his rain coat on and I bent over and he went to town.

    It is all I have left, it felt good in a very different way, I rubbed my nub afterwards and got a dry orgasm out of it, and I am ready for round two. He is coming over tonight.

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    # 46394 - by Shorty / July 5, 2020
    • - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Male / 25

    My Teacher

    I saw my unmarried struggling to walk normal. Idk what happened to her but I really want to know if she had anal sex of something I really want to know...I saw her entering into college other guys are laughing and guessing if she had sex really hard or something but I am not sure. I really want to know why se wasn't able to walk normal. She was taking small steps. She was walking like a penguin and it was a day after a holiday. please tell me what cause her walk like that?

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    # 46319 - by Netsurfer / June 28, 2020
    - Funny As Fuck -
    Straight Female / 19

    Get It Mom

    So I caught my mom sucking my dad's cock tonight in our garage. Dad went out there before dinner to "his workshop," he's a carpenter on the side so he spends a lot of time out there and my mom has to usually go get him for meals. Well tonight he didn't even come back for dinner, so mom fixed him a plate and went out there. And was gone for 30 minutes. No big deal, I'm doing dishes anyway so I go out and check and see that the main door is closed up. Okay...

    I go around the side and see the side door is shut but there's a little light from the table lamp he keeps out there in the back. I walk up and what do I see through the window? My moms on her knees with her tits out blowing him like she owed him money!

    They didn't see me so I went back in and tried to wash my eyes. It wasn't gross, they are both in their 40s and lots of my female friends have told me my Dad is a cutey. It's just weird to see it in action. Thank God we go back to school in a month so they can just fuck inside like normal people.

    My mom does have good boobs though, just sayin.

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    # 46275 - by Lucy Grey Goosey / June 26, 2020
    • - Funny As Fuck -
    Lesbian Female / 31

    Drunk Barefoot Hillbilly

    Me and my family was trying to have lunch at McDonald's until a man wearing a straw hat, overalls, and bare feet went inside McDonald's and he was holding a Banjo too and as McDonald's Employees tried to let the man know about the Dress Code Policy, he stands on top of the counter playing his banjo and singing Old MacDonald to the annoyance of everybody inside the restaurant. Then after he started shouting EIEIO the Employees began yelling at him to stop and to leave the restaurant and then the Hillbilly Farted right in the McDonald's Worker's Face and then he makes a dash towards the restroom and yes he went inside the restroom barefoot, now that is just nasty walking barefoot inside of a public restroom in a place where people eat, that just nearly made me lose my lunch.

    Then about 20 minutes later the Hillbilly leaves the restroom wearing only a pair of underwear with turd stains skidmarked on his underwear. He then laid his banjo on my table and then picked up his foot and he actually started to smell his goddamn feet in the restaurant while other patrons were trying to eat as I could hear everybody groaning in disgust and wondering if this man needs to be put in the funny farm because if you are smelling your feet in a restaurant than you should be given a one way trip to the Funny Farm. Then the Hillbilly snatched my sandwich off of my table and placed his foot inside of my sandwich, and then sucked his fucking toes on my fucking sandwich. I was so pissed off I took the inbred's banjo and whacked him upside the head with his banjo as McDonald's Workers began to drag this half naked hillbilly out of McDonald's as everybody applauded me for taking care of this whackjob while everybody outside pointed and laughed at this inbred hick for his rude and disruptive antics as they hauled his ass off to the funny farm.

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    # 46150 - by Florida Woman / June 17, 2020
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